God gives us many opportunities to let go of those things or people that we try to control, to cling to. He wants us to let go of what we try to hold on to. Every time we can let something or someone go, we have yet another opportunity to trust that God is in control. The things or people that God gives us to were never meant to be ours. They are gifts from Him. They were always His. They are always His.
A week ago today I learned that my oldest son would be moving into an apartment with some friends of his. I knew this time would come. He is 19. When I was 19 I was living on my own as well. But, as a parent, it doesn’t make it any easier when it actually happens. I have been trying to get use to the idea of him no longer living here for the past week. I’ve had difficult moments, like when he texted me while I was getting my hair done and I just lost it. My poor hairdresser had to help me wipe away my tears! I know that God has been preparing me for this, in baby steps. My son works full time and because his hours are the complete opposite of when I work, I don’t see him much during the week as it is. But, every morning, I see his car in the driveway and I know my baby is safe. I think this will be the hardest part of him no longer living here. I won’t know that he is safe. For me, it seems that this is the final step in letting your child go. Right now, I don’t know what is really going on with my son socially. I don’t know where he goes before work or after work. I usually don’t know how his days are going. But up until now, I’ve always known he was safe. I’ve always known he was home. Now, I won’t even know that.
I have heard God whisper to my heart, telling me that I need to completely give my son to Him. I need to let go and trust that God will take care of Him. Does a mother ever completely let go of her children? No, not completely. My son will always be in my heart and always in my prayers. But the worry and fear and control I want to cling to for my son–that is what I need to let go of. That is where I need to trust.
This is what I have been wrestling with this week. This morning I got to spend a little bit of time with my son. We got to talk and catch up and laugh, as we always do. As he said goodbye and left for work, I opened my daily devotional to read today’s devotion. And this is what it said:
“Entrust your loved ones to me; release them into my protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one–as well as yourself….I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love. When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to my hand. As you entrust others into my care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do.”
–“Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young, 2004